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“In life you are either into a storm, in the middle of the storm or out of the storm”
Recently, I have realized that life is amazing.
And that we don’t live in constant highs or in constant lows but in the middle.
And that life is amazing because we have God in both the highs and the lows (and the middle).
Apparently i am straight outta wilderness too, i hope unaijua story in the Bible ya wana wa Israel, and how God purposefully led them to the wilderness just to show them that He is God and that He will take care of them.. well i went through my own wilderness recently. I didn’t take that long in it as the Israelites but it was hard as all tough times are. Very hard?.
Nimemaliza masomo yangu July, but nilikuwa na two supplementary exams za kufanya i did them on 1st of November. Now here is the thing, it is easy to do supplementary exams in other years but it is pretty hard kufanya mwaka wa mwisho, because unawaza mengi…
what if nikifeli?
So i won’t graduate with my fellows?
What will they think of me?
What about my family?
So i did my exams zote mbili on the same day, mmoja asubuhi, mmoja jioni. But before that i want to take you to the day before that, i woke up early to go jogging, i really enjoy jogging early in the morning or late in the evening kwasababu ya sunrise and sunset, and plus i get to talk to God while it is still quite (quite time, i guess??), and so i went to jogging. And started asking questions to God, like honest questions..
like why am i here? everybody knows nimemaliza July,
like why did you choose to embarrass me this way?
Like you did it for my friends so why mimi umechagua nirudi tena kufanya supp?
Couldn’t you let me pass na wenzangu?
Do you remember so and so, they were so messed up but they passed, but me, i have to wait for the supp results that i still am not sure i will pass, have you left me?
Long story short, our conversations that day were me hating His doings in my life, Him listening with grace as He always do, all He said was this, He reminded me of a story in the Bible in Mark 5:21-40, He said “you know me as a God who heals, but you don’t know me as a God who is the resurrection and life, you want healing, am going to give you resurrection.”
The truth is i respect that He chooses to use my life in different ways, but some days i really want easy path, like niache tu nifaulu nisiwe na stress, why do i have to go though all that? (but we are living for His glory, so pain or no pain, i love giving Him glory through my life- Philippians 1:21).
So on 1st November i did the exams, well, let’s just say one subject i had 14, the other i had 16 as CA’s. So nilikuwa natafuta 20+ in the exams, i should have fainted, but if you have been fearing a situation kwa muda mrefu somehow your brain blacks out and you don’t think of it anymore, that’s how i was in my exams, i was like, whatever?. So long story short, i left the exam room, in tears, i remember walking back to my room, like how am i gonna pass that, i didn’t know half of the questions, and even the ones i knew i didn’t answer so well…. then i walked into the wilderness.
With God being full of grace, my phone also malfunctioned and wasn’t working, but i loved that, because at least i wasn’t getting the news about the results.
I loved that because i didn’t have to talk to anyone asking me about the results.
I loved that because i finally had time to weep in my life, even though i didn’t know the results and they were not out yet, i just was weeping, begging and pleading that God save me for the last time (even though we both know there will be a lot of situations like this in the future).
So i fasted, stayed in my room, with my journal, crying, and getting intimate with God. I love those days, i love them because i remember worshiping God genuinely, I love those days because i felt Him so close, providing, i felt Him so close… through my friendships, i felt Him so close in how fast He answered my prayers, like this one night i was so emotionally drained i cried myself to sleep, just to wake up in the morning and my phone functioning (for few hours though) then going back on my wilderness. And when the results came out and i don’t know how He did it, but He did and i passed, well my phone functioned again, i told my people about the news, then it stopped functioning after i told everyone and talked to my friends. This was a miracle,in November, i was in the wilderness but i loved it. I loved it. Because i felt God very close and personal.
Like in the Bible how He was always providing, always leading, always there for the Israelites.
In the wilderness is where we closely meet Him and grow in our faith. In the wilderness, where we feel like we have lost it, we gain by being in His presence, because at the end of the day nothing else matters but His presence.
Of course, we will get out of the wilderness, i am straight outta wilderness now, but i pray, i pray that we don’t get out of the wilderness before:
- We feel His love up close and personal
- We see Him, how He is so real in our lives, providing, protecting, guiding and everything Him
- Learn the lesson, He meant to teach us by letting pass through the wilderness
- We grow in the areas He wanted us to grow by being in the wilderness
- He prunes everything He wants to prune in our lives, so as we can step into who we were created to be. Everything not meant to stay in our lives leaves when we are in the wilderness, either the friendships,behaviors, etc, they all got to go before we leave the wilderness.
Like the Israelites, we will see His goodness in the wilderness, because He will be with us.
Like the Israelites, we will not step out of the wilderness the same, we will be changed.
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