Eunice Tossy/ January 29, 2019

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            “Wanaokuambia habari za wengine, hawashindwi kuwaambia wengine habari zako”.

Naweza nikamaliza hii posti ya leo kwa huo msemo tu hapo juu, lakini kwa vile blog post itakuwa fupi sana, ngoja niendelee…
Gossiping, according to Cambridge dictionary it means “conversation or reports about other people’s private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true“.
Tuna majina tofauti ya hili neno gossiping kwenye kiswahili;
                                                             – Uvumi
                                                             -Masengenyo
                                                             -Umbea
                                                             – Kuongelea nyuma ya mgongo na mengine mengi nisioyajua.

Nahisi hii topic (ama series) niliyoianzisha ipo complicated kidogo kwenye mazingira yetu/ ama jinsia yangu kwa vile inavyoonekana ni mojawapo ya kitu kinachowakilisha jinsia yangu. I honestly had dated someone aliyeniambia ukiwa mwanamke halafu ukawa sio m-mbea (gossiper) haujakamilika kama mwanamke (poor choice of a guy, and i broke up with himπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚). Well, hiyo ni perspective yake, but as for me, i hate to hear a gossip about me, in fact i struggle to forgive the person who spread gossips about me.
So i have decided not to engage in gossips (kwasababu naamini anayekupa umbea na wewe unaesikiliza wote ni wambea).
-I have decided not to engage in gossips because of its effects according to these Bible verses and this.
-I have decided to stop gossiping because i want to please the Lord and build others up with my tongue, ninapoongelea wengine mabaya na wakasikia, wanaumia na kujisikia chini kwasababu ya maneno niliyoyasema na hivyo nashindwa kuwa balozi mzuri wa Kristo mbele yao.

READ: Neno la Mungu na Mkristo

Nakumbuka nilipokuwa chuo, kuna mdada alikuwa anaitwa Catherine. Catherine alikuwa anapenda kuja room yetu kusoma na roommate wangu mmoja ambaye walikuwa course moja, in my opinion Catherine alikuwa anapaka lipstick nyingi sana. Now, i don’t have any problem with mtu kupaka lipstick nyingi, but that’s how i selfishly identified her na wala sikujaribu kujua jina lake. Nakumbuka kuna siku alikuja kusoma room yetu, na mimi nilikuwa nimelala sikujua kama yupo ndani ya room yetu, ila jana yake usiku alikuja na ilikuwa birthday yake, nikamwimbia nyimbo, nikamkaribisha kwenye room yetu wholeheartedly na wala sio maigizo. Sasa hiyo next day wakati anasoma, bila kujua kama yupo room yetu nikaamua kugossip na kuwauliza wanaroom. Nikasema “eti jamani Catherine anasema jana ametimiza miaka 21, mi hata siamini”, kila mtu alikuwa kimya kwasababu wote walijua yupo ndani, kasoro mimi sikujua, nikaendelea kusema “Na vile anavyopakaga lipstick nyingi, yani utasema anamiaka zaidi ya hiyo”. Mmoja wa wanaroom akanionyesha sign ya mkono kamba yupo room kitanda cha chini, kwasababu mimi nilikuwa nalala juu sikumuona chini. Toka siku ile niliumia sana kwa kilichotokea, na nilijisikia aibu, na nikaamua kuweka resolution ya kuacha umbea.

I won’t say ni rahisi, ama ndio nimeshafika hili swala nimeliweza kabisa, humanly tunayotaka kuyafanya tunashindwa, tusiyotaka tunayafanya, it is a battle. But like every other battle the Holy Spirit puts a fire in us inayotuwezesha kuishinda.

Here is how you effectively stop gossiping:

  • Kwa kujiepusha na marafiki ambao mara zote hupenda kuongelea umbea kuhusu watu wengine

Nadhani kuna saikolojia ya umbea, ambapo kuna namna ukiongelea mabaya ya wengine unajisikia vizuri kuhusu maisha yako, vile ukisikia wengine wanavyostruggle unajisikia vizuri kwamba at least hauko kama wao. Na hivyo kuna wale watu wanaojitia moyo kuhusu matatizo yao kwa kuongelea matatizo ya wengine kila siku, kaa nao mbali. Jitahidi hata muda wanapoanza tu kuongea umbea kuwaambia kwamba nimeamua kuacha, Au hata kuweka earphones. I stayed in a room one time chuoni, ilikuwa na umbea sana, i bought headphones, just to protect myself from listening to gossips.

READ: Kwanini watu wengi hushindwa kwenye maisha?

  • Kwa kusoma Neno la Mungu 

This is a way that you will get shocked after reading it. But i believe and i have lived the experience, it is highly impossible to be rooted in the Word of God, and praying and desiring to please the Lord and engage yourself with gossips at the same time.
Kwa kusoma Neno na kuomba, unajikuta unaloose interest ya dhambi , Roho Mtakatifu anakuwezesha kushinda vingi.

  • Jua namna ya kudeal na hisia zako

Kama nilivyosema wengine wanatumia gossip kama njia ya kujifariji. Mahusiano yako vibaya, well at least hayako sawa na ya fulani, fulani anapitia zaidi ya wewe and etc. Instead of dealing with your issues, you just compare and gossip and settle with your problem. Jifunze kujua namna ya kudeal na emotion zako na matatizo yako. Jifunze kutokutegemea umbea kukufanya ujisikie vizuri, kutumia umbea kama cure. Kuna wengine wanatumia shopping, alcohol, sex, porn ama chochote kile, watch out usiwe unatumia umbea.

  • Get a hobby/ Get things to do

Hapo juu nimeshare kuhusu a room niliyowahi kukaa ambayo tulikuwa tunagossip tu…. well mostly kwasababu kulikuwa hakuna cha kufanya. Ukitoka darasani, unakaa kusubiri kula, kulala na kwenda darasani tena kesho, so muda upo mwingi wa kugossip. Get a hobby, get something to do, get active, get moving, vitu vya kujiendeleza maisha ama chochote kile, but get moving.

  • Develop love for the people around you and “vaa viatu vyao”:

In all truth, we are flawed. Even though gossiping gives you a chance to feel perfect over someone else, we are all flawed. We have all fallen short of the glory of the Lord. Kama una gossip kuhusu aliyefanya sex na kutenda dhambi, kumbuka ulivyodanganya asubuhi kwa classmate zako? Kama unasengenya kuhusu aliyeiba, kumbuka ulivyotamani begi la mtu uliyepishana naye barabarani…. Point yangu, we are all flawed, we all need grace!! If we develop love for the people around us, it won’t be easy to gossip about them, i personally love my mom, na sijawahi kumsema umbea, na i don’t think i will be comfortable to be in the room with a person who will be gossiping about my mom, of course nitagombana naye… Sana.

Vaa viatu vyao in a sense of jaribu kumuelewa mtu, kwa kile anachopitia. Maybe ingekuwa sisi tungefanya mabaya zaidi ya yeye anayoyafanya. Unless the come to share with us, no need to be listening yasiyotuhusu, and if the consult us, no need to share and break the trust.

Well, kumalizia stori yangu na Catherine, nilienda kumuomba msamaha jioni ya siku ile ile niliyogossip about her. It was very uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable to apologize for what i said, because it was so bad, and i couldn’t believe that i could hurt someone that bad with my words, it was also uncomfortable because she was very sweet and understanding and forgiving. I was forgiven and i vowed to never be in the same uncomfortable situation again, as James said “Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check” (James 3).

And i am still in the battle, but the Holy Spirit is with me, so we win. Catherine, well she was very kind, and to that day my perspective of her changed. I discovered that people are amazing if i get to know them myself, instead of judging and putting them in a box because of the gossips that i heard about them.
I have forgiven myself because of the evil and the hurt i caused her, i thank God that this time i won’t be in uncomfortable situation like i was with her in that day.

Will you join me in this battle?

EuniceπŸ’›

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About Eunice Tossy

24, proud Tanzanian, bookworm, beach lover, loud laugher,conversationalist, deep thinker, public foodie, authentic writer and globetrotter.

7 Comments

  1. πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

  2. Pingback: Gossip Series: What to do when you hear a gossip about yourself – Eunice Tossy

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