Gossip Series: What to do when you hear a gossip about you..

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Kama ulimiss part one ya gossip series, you can read it here

I still struggle with what to call aliyekuja kukwambia kuhusu huo umbea, I need your comments on that one. I hope alikuwa anakudefend (like what real friends are supposed to do for each other in these situations) na alikuwa hafurahii wewe unavyosemwa.  

But honestly unaweza kusikia umbea kwa kuambiwa na mtu mwingine, ukausikia wakati wanaongea wakijua haupo, au ukasikia kwa watu wengine wasiokujua na njia nyingine mbalimbali, ambazo tu utajua watu wanaongea nyuma yako but katika njia yoyote ile utakayojulia, the feelings are always the same.

*You will feel betrayed. Betrayed by the people who were gossiping about you, like how could they, I trusted them?! I thought we were friends? I gave them me, the true me and talking behind my back is how they are repaying me? Who says these bad stuffs about me and etc.

*You will feel misunderstood. Like they should give you a second chance to show them that what they heard, think, or feel about you is wrong. Like they should give/ have given you a chance to explain yourself before saying those words, or after they have heard those words they should just give you a chance. Or so misunderstood to the extent they want to destroy your reputation.

*You will feel like they hate you. Or else why would they speak behind your back?

*You will feel like you don’t belong. Like how did I think we were together, I thought we were friends and you had these different thoughts about me, do I even belong in this crew?

*You will feel like a bad person. If you were a good person, they would have come and talk to you, but because they think you are bad, they just decided to talk behind your back. Either out of fear of you, or out of not wanting you to know your flaws.

*You will feel judged. Wrongly judged.

*You will want to leave/ disappear. You will like everything in life is just going so wrong. You will face confusions and questions.

Kusikia umbea unaokuhusu inauma. Inauma na inakupa maswali. Inakufanya ujiquestion your abilities, or you as a person. But I can be one of the best experiences as it can help you grow as a person.

I recently had a gossip about me, well in university mengi yanaongelewa. Mengine utayasikia, mengine you just live not knowing they even exist. Well, a close friend of mine who has been defending me when she hears gossips about me, aliniambia kwamba some people thought I wasn’t a “true Christian” or a “Christian enough”. Well as usual you just laugh it off, mpaka uje ukae ufikirie then it sinks in like why though. Why would someone say stuffs like that about me, then you start feeling all the emotions that I have explained before.

As for me I went through days, figuring things out, and so far here is what I have learnt to know or do after I hear a gossip about me…

–         – As long as they gossiped about, they gossip about other people too.. In other words, they have time, watu wa hivyo huwa wanagossip hata kuhusu each other.. like tuko wanne now, tunamgossip mpita njia, akiondoka mmoja kati yetu, tutagossip kuhusu aliyeondoka. It’s just that way, believe me I have lived with people who gossip so I have experienced how the psychology works. So maybe you were just one of the people who they wanted to talk about that day.

–          

     -You have something. People don’t just talk about things, they talk about things that touch their hearts, things/ people they feel like they are on a different level than them or they think they are better. Now this should not give you pride, but it should let you evaluate yourself (maybe you have been acting weird) and understand them (if you have seen that you had nothing wrong). Glorify the Lord for the 

    potential they have seen in you that you haven’t.

–     

        –  Don’t avoid confrontation. I would advise when you have cooled down, and let the Holy Spirit lead you, pray before you go confront someone.  This is an easy way to understand them, and easily forgive. When you have let your heart out peacefully, it is usually easy to forgive.

–       

           -Remind myself what I know is true about me. Speak the Word of God over my identity or my situation/purpose etc. Even though ukisika a gossip about you inaweza isiwe directly kuhusu your identity, mine as I shared was directly about my identity. And so I had to remind myself of what the Lord saw me, knew me as than what some guys in class think of me as.

–         

        -Evaluate yourself

      Even though a gossip about you most of the times is just that, a gossip about you. But sometimes there can be a truth behind it. Na tunavyosikia tunapata hasira ambayo inacloud our judgements in a way ambayo hatujiangalii sisi tena, tunaangalia ubaya wa yule aliyeongea. This can be helpful in understanding the gossiper, but it is not helpful in evaluating yourself in relation to the gossip. Ukijievaluate itakusaidia kukua as a person, to be changed positively especially if the gossip about you is true. 

Katika kuishi na watu una vitu vifuatavyo;

+Vitu kuhusu wewe unavyovijua na ambavyo watu wanaokuobserve/wanaokusurround pia wanavijua mfano unapenda chakula gani.

+Vitu kuhusu wewe usivyovijua, ila watu wanaokuobserve wanavijua mfano unavyotembea, kama mtu uliyenaye hakufai ila wanaogopa kukwambia.

+Vitu kuhusu wewe usivyovijua, na watu wanaokuobserve hawavijui mfano hidden talents yet to be discovered, capabilities, purpose, God’s will over your life.

+Vitu kuhusu wewe unavyovijua, na watu wanaokuobserve hawavijui mfano story ya maisha yako, secret sins.

Ni rahisi watu kugossip kuhusu vitu usivyovijua ila wao wakawa wanavijua. Kwasababu pengine wanaogopa kukwambia. Kwa hivyo evaluation inaweza kukusaidia, ila pia kujishusha kuwasikiliza opinion yao inaweza kukusaidia pia.

–          -Forgiving and letting go. I always say you need to be selfish enough to forgive for yourself. People think forgiving is for the other person (like you are helping the one who has wronged you by forgiving him/her), but most of the times the person who gossiped about you, or gossips about you doesn’t really care about how you feel, and so you need to care about how you feel, and that is hurt and pain, and how you can forgive that person because YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS HURTING. Nakumbuka how I held a grudge kuhusu my uncle who abused me, and I thought that was hurting him, until I was in high school and I heard that he got married and has a baby girl, and I sat down and I realized that, here I was thinking i am hurting him, by not forgiving him, while he was busy moving on with his life and investing in his life, and that is when I learnt to forgive, because I realized forgiving was for me, forgiving was investing in my life, forgiving was for me to heal. 

      And so I really advise on forgiving, so as to mend the relationship, so as to give God the chance to work in their lives through you. When you don’t forgive, you are also denying God the right to work in their lives. So I pray you even talk to them if it can help you forgive, cry to God, or talk to someone. Anything you need to do to forgive. (If you would love someone to talk too, am here for you).

Even though it is hard, I know we don’t live in a perfect world, and so these things happen. May God give us the wisdom to deal with these issues the way that will bring glory to His Name. And may He help us to forgive those who have hurt us, and that we are still holding in our hearts, so that we can just leave the thrones of our hearts for Him alone.

Amen.

Eunice?

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