Vitu vikubwa vitano nilivyojifunza mwaka jana, ambavyo vimebadilisha namna ninavyochukulia maisha.

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Mwaka 2018, ulikuwa mgumu kwangu, ulikuwa mgumu kwasababu ya niliyoyapitia. Sio kwamba haukua mzuri, naweza sema ulikuwa mzuri sana kwasababu kwanza ndio mwaka niliograduate, lakini pia ni mwaka ambao niliface challenge nyingi zilizonifanya nikue emotionally na mentally. Lakini ulikuwa mgumu kwasababu wakati napitia hizo challenge sikuona kwamba napitia ili nikue emotionally, niliona ni mateso.

Mwisho wa siku, hata mwaka uliokuwa mgumu una mazuri yake, kama watu, hata aliye mgumu/ mbaya ana mema yake.

Na hivi ndivyo vitu vitano nilivyojifunza mwaka jana:

+++ Kuishi katika sasa/leo na sio yajayo

Nilipokuwa mwaka wa mwisho huwezi amini niliwaza mara ngapi kuhusu nitapataje kazi, na hata chuo nilikuwa bado sijamaliza. Na kibaya zaidi nilipokuwa mwaka wa tatu niliwaza sana kama nitaweza kufika mwaka wa mwisho na kumaliza chuo, yani kila stage niliyokuwepo nilikuwa nawaza mambo ambayo hayapo stage hiyo, mambo ambayo bado sijayafikia. Nawaza, naumia na mpaka napata woga, yani kuna muda unaogopa sana kiasi kwamba hata wazo tu la hicho kitu linakufanya utetemeke na ndipo nilipofikia kwa kuwaza kwangu. Ilifika kipindi nikiwaza tu, tumbo linachafuka. And then nikafika mwaka wa mwisho, nikagundua mwaka wa mwisho sio mwisho wa dunia, nikamaliza chuo na pia nikagundua kumbe sio mwisho wa dunia. Instead of enjoying the daily moments i had, nilikuwa naziwazia ambazo bado hazijafika, kiasi kwamba naharibu hii moment niliyopo sasa and ninakuta sina memory ya mambo ya sasa kwasababu mind yangu haikuwepo wakati ninaishi huo wakati. (Matthew 6:25-34)

+++ Sometimes viongozi wanaweza kukulet down, but it all comes down to us being human.

Related Post: Where is God when we go through so much pain

Nafikiri mwaka jana nilikuwa na event yangu ya pili ya viongozi wakubwa wa kidini kunishtua na kunifanya ni question my faith, ambapo nilifika stage ya kujiuliza why is God not taking this person out of leadership and many more questions. They say at one point or another kila mtu anapitia bad boss experience, but inauma zaidi if the bad boss is a Christian. Because you don’t expect that in Christian leadership, but kama kuna kitu nimejifunza ni i don’t know how God works, or why He lets people who i may “see” as not “good servants”, but at the end of the day ni shamba lake na that is not my case to make, aliyetuajiri is the one to judge. Lakini pia sisi sote ni wanadamu ambao in our human nature we are evil, honestly i fear me without Jesus, i am not a good person at all without Him, kwahiyo at the end of the day even if a Christian leader disappoints me, i should also see the other side of him, He is a human being, who is serving God, and he is capable of backsliding or sinning just as i am, and that’s why we need His grace in every second of our lives. We can’t do this on our own.

+++ It’s gonna all work out, sooner or later

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That’s a verse in Lecrae’s song, ha ha! But trust whatever situation unapitia it’s gonna work out, kama haijawork out it means bado it’s not the end, in the end, it’s gonna work out. I remember somedays use to be so hard, mpaka unawaza how wil it be? Especially mwaka wangu wa mwisho chuo, nilikuwa nawaza masomo magumu i didn’t know kama i will make it, to the extent mpaka naenda graduation bado naangalia matokeo kwenye simu just to be sure am not showing up in a wrong party, i can’t believe i made it through ( another Lecrae’s verse, ha ha!). Na just to be clear, working out is different in different situations, for some inaweza maanisha kugraduate, for some inaweza maanisha kutofanikiwa na kupata opportunity nyingine, at the end of the day Mungu anajua what we really need na hicho atatupatia even if sometimes it means sisi tunaumia in the process of getting that, what knowing this fact does to us is to give us an awareness that help us to suffer well in the situations that we go through. (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)

+++ There is healing na Mungu ndiye anatupatia but pia Yeye ndio anaguide our steps towards it

Unakumbuka lesson ya pili niliyojifunza, well kumbe Mungu alikuwa anampango kabisa wa namna gani He will my heart, and that involved a trip to another country (Malawi)! I mean aliniconnect na watu wa hiyo nchi even before the situation ya lesson ya pili kutokea, mpaka nimefika, mpaka nimefika Malawi nikaanza kuelewa kumbe Mungu ni wa ajabu, He truly knows the beginning and the end of our lives, He knew kwamba i will need that trip, i will need the healing that i got. (Come to me you who are weary). Ni kweli hakuna linalotokea kwenye maisha yetu ambalo halijui, na hakuna linalotokea kwenye maisha yetu ambalo halitusaidii kukua into who God ordained us to be. (Matthew 11:28-30)

+++ Loneliness is not your friend

I am gonna admit something, i think 100% of the relationships nilizoingia ni kwasababu ya loneliness. I don’t really believe nilikuwa na upendo, infact mpaka now najaribu kujifunza nini maana ya upendo, and so upendo haukuwa motive. I believe i wasn’t capable of loving someone or giving love, and so kitu pekee au kikiambatana na vyengine ni loneliness. When you just want to be in relationship, just for the sake of being in relationship, like uwe na mtu wa kumshirikisha your wins or your losses. So yeah, and that’s why mostly haikuwa hard kuachana na kuondoka because only selfish reasons ndizo zilizonipeleka. Well, am still learning how to face it, because i don’t think you can deal with it, married people are lonely too, so getting married doesn’t take the loneliness away. Kuna mahali nilisoma wakasema, kuwa alone ni kuwa pekee yako like bila friends, kuna lonely is a state of heart, unaweza kuwa surrounded na friends but still deep inside you feel that emptiness.  And so am learning how to face it, may it will a blog post for another day (remind me!). But for this day, i have decided to take it all for myself, and be alone.!

Excited for what i am learning? will learn in this year.

Nini umejifunza last year? Please share with in the comment section…

Eunice.

 

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2 Replies to “Vitu vikubwa vitano nilivyojifunza mwaka jana, ambavyo vimebadilisha namna ninavyochukulia maisha.”

  1. Indeed life informs our next steps in life.
    I’m pleased to notice that you have encountered victory in all the situations because of your dependencyon God’s power. Please believe God also in your fears and as you cast your burdens unto him, he’ll sustain you.

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