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I still remember this one time, i was in a bus, and then i saw a girl crying while standing next to a guy who was sitting, using his phone, and everybody in the bus was looking at them. We all knew they hard a fight, and i felt for the girl, even though i didn’t know her. I felt for her because i saw that the guy didn’t care, and still she was holding on, fighting for the relationship maybe!?
We all know a person or have a friend who is/ was, in a dramatic relationship. Like so dramatic you get tired of picking up their phones to console them because the truth is, you just want to scream “GET OUT” in their faces, but you can’t, because she is in the middle of the mess, and you would rather console them, and maybe scream get out later, when they are calm. Most of the time, as a friend you just ask yourself ” why can’t she leave him?”, and say things like “i would have left him ages ago”. And after 23 years of living, going 24 in 10 days, I have had couple of friends who have been in dramatic relationships, i too have been in dramatic relationships. But i think when you are in one, you don’t ask yourself questions like ” why can’t i leave him?” instead you justify your decision to stay with him. And so these reasons came after observing other people and look back at the reasons that made me stay in those dramatic relationship.
- Friend’s advice– the ones who tell you “Erica’s boyfriend used to act the same way but they are married now”… They normalize drama in your life, because they have seen it in someone else’s life, someone who decided to settle for it and hence you also believe that drama/ unhealthy relationships are normal. Just so you know everyone has their own life stories, hers doesn’t have to be yours.
- The Biological Clock– Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie wrote in her book “Dear Ijeawele or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions”, that” there is a certain way that girls are raised, that they should aspire for marriage that boys are not brought up the same way”. And Rachel Hollis in “Girl, Stop Apologizing”, said that, “society teaches men to chase success, and women are taught to chase after men”. And reading this was eye opening to me, and i started noticing how marriage is a dominating topic even when women hangout together, and there is unseen/ unconscious pressure to be married at a certain age, especially in your 20’s. And i am not against marriage, marriage is beautiful…. so beautiful, but i feel like women are carrying a burden they were not meant to carry. And just so they get married at a certain age, they settle for any guy, deal with everything the relationship throws at them, because what can they do? The clock is ticking. – There is also “if i can’t give birth in my 20’s, it will be hard to do so in my 30’s”. Honestly, i don’t know much about this, but i read a quote somewhere and it made sense to me, it said “Choose the father of your children wisely, they deserve a good father, you have a choice but they don’t”.
- Daddy issues and the love for drama– They say your father is your first love as a woman. And so if you grew up with an abusive father, alcoholic father or an absent father, that becomes your normal, or the thing that you unconsciously are attracted too. Daddy issues are real, and for some reasons they play huge part in how we relate to the men in our lives. If you grew up seeing your mother beaten by your father, you might think that’s how you deserve to be treated as well and even though you might make a conscious decision that ” that won’t be your life”, for some reasons those are the guys you are dating now, and you wonder why you are going the same road as your mother. In this case I recommend counselling and surrounding yourself with healthy relationships. -When it comes to drama, a friend of mine once told me that “some people love drama too much, to the extent they normalize it, even when it’s happening to them”. Drama, like Instagram celebrity drama, is entertaining but also it is kind of a distraction that people use, like when you are in the bus, or waiting in a long line, and they are good for stories with your girlfriends, but once they become a norm in your life, it is easy to see them as how life is for everyone, instead of seeing them as for what they are, just drama.
- Not sure if you can get someone who can treat you better than that (feeling unworthy)– Have you ever met an amazing lady, and then met her partner and wonder what the hell is she doing with him?? I have. I feel like most women have issues with believing that they deserve to be treated better, in a world that has women giving everything, women have forgotten that they too deserve to receive, better! And sometimes they fight for these relationships because of the fear of the future, like what if i leave and then i don’t get someone else? or i get a guy exactly like this one?(refer to my previous reason).
- The people that surround you– There is power in seeing, there is power in being surrounded by healthy relationships and healthy people, they show you what you want, they show you what to aspire to, they show you what you deserve, and they show you how you can be treated. The first time i saw a person with my name on TV, i was in secondary school, and it was a bank advert, and the girl was Nigerian, she was the bank manager, Eunice. That moment changed my life, that moment made me aspire for more, that moment made me believe that i too could be anything, because i saw what the other Eunice could achieve, i also started to aspire for better and bigger because i already saw that it was possible. It’s time to start seeing healthy relationship more, they inspire us to not settle for less but the best.
- Thinking that you can change him – Whoever said women have the power to change anyone, he/she needs to come and correct his/her statement, please!! Girl, you can’t, that’s the power that only God has, and the guy. If he hasn’t decided to change, HE WON’T. And a relationship is not a project, it is a relationship. Why would you start a relationship while your mind is fixed on changing someone? People change/grow by themselves. Yes, you can grow together, but he is not a project for you to fix, stop that nonsense. Stop staying and wasting your years, because you still believe in the future he will change, Maya Angelou said ” When people show you who they are, believe them the first time”.
Do you have more reasons?? Please share with me!!