I never thought I would find myself in this place.
I am a well wisher, a girl power movement member, I mean I always want the best for people, push people to be all they can be, in fact I most of the time coach them and my life’s greatest joy comes from seeing them changing, from who they were to the best that they can be.
In fact I know that jealous is the ugliest thing, and I didn’t think I could do it.
I know that comparison is the thief of joy, and I thought I would never let it steal mine.
I didn’t know I could also compare myself.
I didn’t know I could envy people… My friends.
I didn’t know I had this insecurity, If I may call it that.
Recently I have found myself comparing my life, and I am filled with envy.
You know the one that makes you ask questions like, ‘where am I doing wrong, why I am not getting the results she does’? Or ‘ I can’t believe he is better than I am’ or ‘ look at my poor life’ or ‘I wish I had what she has’ or ‘ he did this after me, how is he making it/being successful before me?’.
Life I tell you.
Sometimes, sometimes I wish I never talk about things on my blog.
But there is this way that I feel when I talk about them, that is like healing to me.
There is some kind of healing that comes when we open up our hearts to others, to let them see us for who we are, when we have authentic life conversation.. What others call truthful living.
I graduated last year, I should stop calling myself a recent graduate already.
Some of my friends have jobs already, I don’t have one. In fact I don’t think I desire the jobs they have.
But I currently envy them because I don’t have a job and they do. Even though what they have is not what I need for my life.
I compare my life with people who we do the same thing, like check out her blog/ channel and the following/subscribers that she has and check out mine, where am I failing?
No matter what you envy people about, maybe their exam reports, exam score, hair, face, car, family wealth, the love that he is given, his girlfriend, the love that their family has, kids or whatever that makes you compare and envy them, I just want you to know, I know how it feels. You are not a bad person.
And probably, you hate that you feel that way for your friends or foes.
Comparison and envy
So I am currently here, I don’t have a solution..
But here is what I am doing that I believe will make this season one big lesson in my life..
1) I talk about it.
If it’s friends I tell them what I feel currently, you are not bad person just because you feel that way.. Feelings were meant to be felt, and once you talk about it you also don’t feel like exploding as a result.
Or you can talk to someone that you trust.. Or me if you want to.
2) I pray and ask God to teach me and take them away.
As a Christian, I believe everything can be a learning point, and so far I pray about it every time I feel that the feeling is coming back, I ask God to show me, correct me and help me. Because as a human being I can’t do this, my selfish desire and worldly nature wants me to envy people, but His Godly nature can save me.
Talk to your Father, He loves you still.
3) I have set boundaries.
One was to leave social media, the other can be set yourself apart from what is bringing you that feeling.
We are all insecure in some ways, and probably we don’t know what ways, and so setting yourself apart from that can give you a time to learn about yourself and ask yourself why you feel that way towards that person.
So I hope next time I will write about how I have made it, and what I have learnt.. But as for now I am here learning.
What about you???