Eunice Tossy/ July 26, 2019

I was so sad when I broke up with you..
I thought I couldn’t live if its not with you..

That sounds messed up, considering I was the one who pulled the shots.

Its amazing that I have been the girl who broke up with you before you break up with me.

Yes, none of you had the chance of ‘breaking my heart’ first.

That’s heartbreaking but true.

I was or maybe I still am guarded up, little less now but I am learning. My dad died, the day of his death he left me at the door waiting for him to come back. As a child I was always waiting for him to come back at the door, and the day he left is still imprinted on my mind. This is the reason I never wanted to feel like someone has left me again. This is why I left before you did. Also growing up I had stories of men who broke ladies’ hearts.. I vowed not to be one of the ladies. It is sad that you had to deal with the ‘passed on anger’ towards men that I had.

Daddy issues, huh??

Thanks for bringing them on the surface. Yes I have them, it’s because of you now I am on a healing journey..

A journey to find myself, heal the wounds and be healthy.

I don’t blame myself for leaving you, you really wasn’t good for me, aight.. Let’s get that straight. You wasn’t. Nah. In fact I am glad I did, now I know what I deserve. The healthier I become, the more I know better, and choose healthy choices.

I don’t regret dating you, I don’t like living my life with regrets. I am happy I dated you. It took a long time for me to get to this point, of being happy, but I did. I am happy we dated, I wouldn’t know the issues or be who I am today without your presence in my life.

I am sorry for the pain I brought you, when you remember me you have both joys and sadness that I brought. I am sorry that I left you, and that we don’t talk anymore.
Some are grown up enough to talk after a breakup, I guess I have a long way to go in this healing journey.

You showed me what I don’t want in a man.. Clich√©, but truth.
I hope you take time to heal and grow as well, cause we all need it.
Also you showed me who I am when I am not myself, dating you masked the real me. And I never want to be like that EVER again.

I had fun, tears, felt shame, insecure, I laughed, ate, I lived.

Isn’t that what life is supposed to be like?

Mistakes, wins, failures, bad choices, good choices, isn’t that life??

It is not part of life, it is life.

It is life.

And I lived, I still live, and I will live it.

Once it was with you, and now it is no more.
Cheers to what we had! I am a sum of all the experiences we had, and all that I am gonna have in the future.

Do I ever wish I could delete our memories???

I do.

I cringe when I remember us.

But then I remember the lessons.

What you taught me, what you revealed about me (cause they said I should look at you, to know my wounds easily), how you have helped me shape my values and standards now, how I am a sum total of the good and bad, and that now I know life is life, is just life, and it is life.

By the way, you were amazing.. You are a great person, how do I know that? I am amazing and a great person, so I know you were special too.

You were artistic, a caring person and a dedicated one. Those are among the things I learned from you. Keep growing and healing, we all do. Everybody in the world is.

Thank you for being human, for having that positive side and a broken side as well.

However,

There is a time to have, and to have not.
I did have you, now I have you not.
Life is meant to be lived.
Thanks for being in my life, with you I did life.
There were lessons and everything that you brought with you.

I wish you life and joy, lessons and failures, success and tears and all that is life.

My life,

I lived, I still live and I will live it.

Sincerely, the girl who broke your heart before you broke hers.

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About Eunice Tossy

24, proud Tanzanian, bookworm, beach lover, loud laugher,conversationalist, deep thinker, public foodie, authentic writer and globetrotter.

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